I can understand why someone would say that they need to be able to compartmentalize to function. I wasn't saying that anyone should completely do away with it completely. I agree that everyone needs to be able to put away feelings, for example, at work because no one is going to just understand why you are a weepy mess at a business meeting.
I do, however, think that compartmentalization is a very bad way to deal with emotions at home. Functional humans have to learn to understand their feelings and be able to express them in a healthy manner. This is learned by women from birth. You can learn it too.
Most women don't ever evolve to the point of being able to rationally explain exactly what they are feeling, nor do they ever learn that the silent treatment, for example, is not something men understand instinctually. I, on the other hand, am both logical and emotional so I am able to explain exactly what I feel, why I feel it, and what I need to make it better. What the man has to do in that situation is show me he understands why I'm upset and then provide the comfort I outlined. Pretty simple really.
The compartmentalization can horribly trip men up when that's their sole way of dealing with hurt, and some actually expect women to basically handle their own emotions alone. That's just not how we work as a species. And really, men only do that because they are taught never to show vulnerability. Well, I SEEK that vulnerability. So the evolution of my partner requires that he learn the language of emotion, and not expect sex or pain or menial tasks as a proxy way to deal with problems. I may want some additional atonement behaviors but generally that's after the emotional stuff is sorted.
I think men sometimes like bdsm because it seems like a simple answer to things. That's not really reality, guys. The business world, the military, and the legal system pretty much work that way, but relationships do not. It's not x offense = y punishment. And really if you think about it... even the legal system isn't really like that because were have civil law to provide compensation for damage done, because prison time is often just not enough.
Often the kink desires people have are just psychological needs that can be fulfilled in healthier ways, I think. And while I can't just give simple equations: humiliation = x emotion/need/whatever. I can dig into that desire, find out it's root, and figure out where it comes from. Maybe there's a healthier way to deal with it that actually provides more satisfaction than the kink might have.
I know, for example, my interest in marking my partner is related to feeling abandoned by my exhusband. Physical displays of ownership make me feel safer. A man wearing a chastity device while away from me also makes me feel safer. The chastity devices also allow me to test my attractiveness to my partner, which is a turn on. These needs can be handled other ways. A man can behave in a way that is shows his loyalty which would over time inspire trust.
Men aren't the best at being loyal, however, so perhaps physical restraints are necessary.
Compartmentalizing is something I get into a lot, and something my Domme doesn't like me to do. I do it because I'm uncomfortable with my feelings, even if it's joy. My Domme, on the other hand, expresses her feelings well, and it often results in me taking it personally and feeling guilty as a result. I often resort to shifting the blame to myself, so that she's forced to address my hurt. It's a defense mechanism where I'm uncomfortable in giving out comfort. As for the chastity, I can see where you're coming from, but am in fear of being locked up. On the other hand, I would love for my Domme to control me completely, so that's a tough thing for me to consider. Anyways, I appreciate the discussion of D/s on a psychological level, thanks.
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