Why I chose the name "True Domme"...

I keep getting asked why I chose the word "domme" when I'm not nearly as kinky as people would assume from the name so I've decided to post in an attempt to explain.  First, you need to understand that the definition of dominant does not contain the word sex anywhere in it.  If one were to say dominant gene, does that mean it's tying up the submissive genes?  No, clearly not.  My point being: you don't own this word so stop acting like you do.

The fact that the term "dominant woman" is automatically associated with a sex-related act is disturbing to me.  I've decided to reclaim this concept to mean something real, not just bullshit play for men's enjoyment.  If a dominant woman also happens to be interested in certain types of sex play that is separate and unrelated to being a powerful, controlling woman.

It seems to me that men seeking dommes are looking for a situation that they can control.  They tell the woman where and when she can be dominating, and the nurse/woman play acts the part for his enjoyment.  Let's be honest... that's what happens most of the time.  And you wonder why it's not terribly fulfilling?  It's artificial, that's why.  And you know it.

On the other hand, I represent something you don't like at all.  I control on MY terms.  I don't turn on and off like a inanimate light switch.  I am what I am because this is my nature.... and it's 24/7.  It's not for your play.  It's not created or fashioned or faked.  I am a strong, powerful, dominating woman and I am taking back this concept to mean something real.

That's not to say I'm not sexy or sexually manipulative.  I am.  There's very little that gets me off than using my wiles to bend the will of man.  I'd say all straight/bi women enjoy this in varying degrees.  It's all a matter how we use the power we have to get what we actually want... and that may or may not coincide with you.

The fact is, boys, you're selfish.  You don't seem to really care about the women you claim to worship.  You don't worship them for anything but their bodies.  This doesn't make you an enlightened man.  You don't want to know her or care for her in any meaningful way.  This makes you worse than the average man.  You want this object of your desire to beat, bruise, and use you like an abusive husband.

But here is where you fundamentally don't understand women: we don't think like you, barring an abusive and strange upbringing.  We don't look at men like meat.  We are wired differently.  That doesn't mean we don't love sex.... our relationship with sex is different that yours. We don't think with our genitalia nor are we born with the same obsession with our genitalia.  We don't spend every hour of every day looking for a man to screw.  We aren't interested in using a man for his body, although it may happen once in a while.  It certainly isn't a driving force, or nearly as defining as it is for you.

Where I saw men at their most honest was at a strip club.  All the men sat silently in a circle around the stage.  The room was dark and almost thick with tension.  As the nearly nude dancer swung around the pole, I just watched the men in the room.  Their eyes transfixed, shifting occasionally in their seats.  Many were sitting hunched as if to lean in ready to pounce.  I got this sense that if the bouncer was not there this poor, dangling piece of meat in the spotlight would be torn to shreds by this hungry pack of wolves.

You don't see this at a chippendales gig.  It's a party atmosphere.  Women are drinking and chatting and laughing.  They giggle and blush when the male dancer drops his pants or thrusts at them suggestively.   It's not the same atmosphere at all.

So what I'm saying is you are seeking something in a woman that may not exist.  It seems to me that the men into bdsm really want a man in a woman's body... or maybe a shemale?  I'm not sure.  But you definitely don't want what most of us are.

I am attempting to discuss here dominance from a female perspective.  I'm talking about what I seek and what I have to offer.  If it doesn't coincide with what you seek, so be it.  At least, perhaps, you can learn something from what I say.

It's time for a reality check!

Gents, let's talk about creepy behavior.  I feel the need to discuss this because frankly I'm sick to death of the "woe, is me" bullshit I have to hear from guy after guy about why women out of their league aren't interested in them.  Listen up, you putz, you're not the sensitive, brilliant but misunderstood romantic you think you are.  It's time for a reality check!  It's time to look yourself in the mirror and reassess your options and your behavior.

According to dictionary.com:

creepy Slang . a boring, disturbingly eccentric, painfully introverted,or obnoxious person. 

While this is perhaps part of the definition of creepy, there are at times a definite inappropriately sexual component to how people, at least today, use the word creepy.

So when does whiny guy become creeper?  When his sexual advances are CLEARLY not wanted and anyone with half a brain would recognize that the responses he is getting to the remarks he makes are not receptive.  If I don't want you, then the last thing I want to hear about is something I did to arouse you.  This, is what I mean by creepy.  If you learn anything in this life, learn when it is socially acceptable to talk about your penis.  I think it's a decent rule of thumb that if I am not already fucking you then I don't want to hear about it.  And talking about it will pretty much ensure that you never get me in the sack... ever.

[Side note: While I have railed against male obsession with their penis and I have on more than one occasion mentioned that I can sort of take or leave a penis given that I and many other women are not sexually fulfilled through intercourse that does not mean I'm not attracted men.... to suggest such would mean that a large majority of women would be gay and that's clearly not statistically the case.  I'm pretty sure that lesbians would be pretty offended to learn some a-hole suggested that they are only gay because dick didn't get them off sexually.  You know who you are and I'm sure you're reading this because you're not only a creepy, you're also a stalker and a psycho.]

The specific fool to which I refer I actually went out on a couple dates with.  While I was NOT AT ALL attracted to this poor, sad fellow, I did give it a try to see past the unfortunate exterior to see what was on the inside.  And what was inside was far scarier.  Not only is he bipolar and absolutely shameless about talking about it and his attempted suicide loudly in public, he's also a complete slob, a diabetic with a really unhealthy relationship with food, and disingenuous about being chivalrous (he's only chivalrous as long as he thinks pussy is still in the cards).

So I admit to feeling sorry for him at first, but then the suicide stuff came to light and that worried me a bit.  I have had a guy threaten suicide if I broke up with him before, and frankly didn't want to go through that again.  But then he turned on me.  When he finally realized that he was not going to get sex from me he let the real him come out and it was even worse than what I previously witnessed.  He was nasty and he even threatened me.  He blamed me for having to fulfill a promise he made and took it out on me at every chance.  It became unbearable to deal with him.

While this guy is very well-read, he's not very good at holding a conversation about any of it.  His tone is condescending if he thinks he knows more about a topic than you do or if you've made a mistake in recalling a some fact or another (tutor by trade... I hope he doesn't talk to students this way).  His favorite topic is music and band trivia and he'll pummel you with it whether you are interested or not.  If I never hear another Frank Zappa tune again, my life will have been all the richer.

After the tragic nightmare that was the interaction with this chap, I learned that he asked out a woman for the first time *in person* without the aid of the internet.... To whom, you ask?  A Peruvian girl he met on the bus that he believe he hit it off with.  My mutual friend and I immediately asked what her visa status was.  You get the idea.  Worse, he actually thinks she's legitimately interested in him.

[Edit (9/9/11): Turns out she was only interested in "saving" him.  She's a nutcase christian who picks up lonely losers and drags them to her church.  Is it evil that I'm amused?]

I initially decided not to write on this person a) because of the suicide crap, b) because I was trying to decent about the whole thing, and c) I'm actually a nice person and I genuinely feel sorry for this guy.  He sort of asked for it, however, when he posted comments to my blog way after the fact, making it clear to me that he was blog stalking me.  I'm pretty sure he was waiting to see if I would write about him... after he unfriended me on facebook so he could bitch about me and then did not at least afford me the same ability.  Our mutual friend agreed this was distasteful behavior (although stated quite vehemently that she would not take sides, which I respect and had no intention of seeking).

What I'm hoping will come out of this is some other guy will recognize himself in this rant and work on improving himself before subjecting someone else to his mess.  Don't be a creeper.