Why I chose the name "True Domme"...

I keep getting asked why I chose the word "domme" when I'm not nearly as kinky as people would assume from the name so I've decided to post in an attempt to explain.  First, you need to understand that the definition of dominant does not contain the word sex anywhere in it.  If one were to say dominant gene, does that mean it's tying up the submissive genes?  No, clearly not.  My point being: you don't own this word so stop acting like you do.

The fact that the term "dominant woman" is automatically associated with a sex-related act is disturbing to me.  I've decided to reclaim this concept to mean something real, not just bullshit play for men's enjoyment.  If a dominant woman also happens to be interested in certain types of sex play that is separate and unrelated to being a powerful, controlling woman.

It seems to me that men seeking dommes are looking for a situation that they can control.  They tell the woman where and when she can be dominating, and the nurse/woman play acts the part for his enjoyment.  Let's be honest... that's what happens most of the time.  And you wonder why it's not terribly fulfilling?  It's artificial, that's why.  And you know it.

On the other hand, I represent something you don't like at all.  I control on MY terms.  I don't turn on and off like a inanimate light switch.  I am what I am because this is my nature.... and it's 24/7.  It's not for your play.  It's not created or fashioned or faked.  I am a strong, powerful, dominating woman and I am taking back this concept to mean something real.

That's not to say I'm not sexy or sexually manipulative.  I am.  There's very little that gets me off than using my wiles to bend the will of man.  I'd say all straight/bi women enjoy this in varying degrees.  It's all a matter how we use the power we have to get what we actually want... and that may or may not coincide with you.

The fact is, boys, you're selfish.  You don't seem to really care about the women you claim to worship.  You don't worship them for anything but their bodies.  This doesn't make you an enlightened man.  You don't want to know her or care for her in any meaningful way.  This makes you worse than the average man.  You want this object of your desire to beat, bruise, and use you like an abusive husband.

But here is where you fundamentally don't understand women: we don't think like you, barring an abusive and strange upbringing.  We don't look at men like meat.  We are wired differently.  That doesn't mean we don't love sex.... our relationship with sex is different that yours. We don't think with our genitalia nor are we born with the same obsession with our genitalia.  We don't spend every hour of every day looking for a man to screw.  We aren't interested in using a man for his body, although it may happen once in a while.  It certainly isn't a driving force, or nearly as defining as it is for you.

Where I saw men at their most honest was at a strip club.  All the men sat silently in a circle around the stage.  The room was dark and almost thick with tension.  As the nearly nude dancer swung around the pole, I just watched the men in the room.  Their eyes transfixed, shifting occasionally in their seats.  Many were sitting hunched as if to lean in ready to pounce.  I got this sense that if the bouncer was not there this poor, dangling piece of meat in the spotlight would be torn to shreds by this hungry pack of wolves.

You don't see this at a chippendales gig.  It's a party atmosphere.  Women are drinking and chatting and laughing.  They giggle and blush when the male dancer drops his pants or thrusts at them suggestively.   It's not the same atmosphere at all.

So what I'm saying is you are seeking something in a woman that may not exist.  It seems to me that the men into bdsm really want a man in a woman's body... or maybe a shemale?  I'm not sure.  But you definitely don't want what most of us are.

I am attempting to discuss here dominance from a female perspective.  I'm talking about what I seek and what I have to offer.  If it doesn't coincide with what you seek, so be it.  At least, perhaps, you can learn something from what I say.

Need vs Want

If you've browsed enough collarme profiles you'll notice a bunch of trendy sayings that people latch onto.  Perhaps trendy is the wrong word.  Maybe I should go with.... copycat.  It seems far more honest.  The one that is pissing me today is "I don't want you to need me.  I want you to want me." Now, let me explain why this is utter shite...

What these bozos really ought to be saying is that they don't want to have to get emotionally involved in the situation cuz that's what they really mean.  They're afraid she might get clingy and needy.  God forbid, she have normal female emotions that are messy and confusing for these poor, emotionally-stunted morons.

My most recent ex pulled this crap on me too.... He was really big on semantics.  He kept correcting me all the time about the difference of want and need... Yes, I said *correcting ME* on the difference which I found infuriating.  I tried to let it slide because we had much bigger issues than this in particular.  But, dear reader, it won't take you long to see a pattern of incompatibility a mile long.

I mentioned in my profile that I am sensitive.  Let me clarify.  I'm empathic.  That means I am deeply in tune with the emotions of the people around me.  If you are unsettled, I am unsettled.  His emotions were dark.  He lives with everything bottled up like if one day if you popped the top he'd go on a homicidal rampage.  He lives in constant fear of what is inside the bottle.  So if you are empathic and you have the tremendous upheaval of moving across coast on the hopes and dreams of being with the one you'd love for the rest of your life and this bottle, and a whole lot of uncertainty on his part, is presented right after you de-board the plane, you will most likely panic as I did.  So did I want reassurance or did I need it?

Listen up, Mr Need/Want.  If you want to go about your life seeking sexual thrills, by all means have at it.  DON'T, however, try to have a real relationship because you just aren't qualified.  You, in fact, will fail miserably making both you and your intended very unhappy.