Pygmalion called. He wants his statue back.

I happened upon this song, and it sparked the following post.
O-Town - Liquid Dreams  Listen.  Or just read the lyrics here.

How often is it that men are seeking in a mate some reproduction of a movie starlet poster they jerked off to as teen?  How many think they somehow deserve a woman more attractive than they genuinely match?  How many, for that matter, care more for a pretty package than brain or even personality?

As Wikipedia tells it: "In Ovid's narrative, Pygmalion was a Cypriot sculptor who carved a woman out of ivory. According to Ovid, after seeing the Propoetides prostituting themselves (more accurately, they denied the divinity of Venus and she thus ‘reduced’ them to prostitution), he was 'not interested in women', but his statue was so fair and realistic that he fell in love with it.

In time, Venus (Aphrodite)'s festival day came, and Pygmalion made offerings at the altar of Venus. There he quietly wished that his ivory sculpture would be changed to a real woman. When he returned home, he kissed his ivory statue and found that its lips felt warm. He kissed it again and touched her breasts with his hand and found that the ivory lost its hardness. Venus had granted Pygmalion's wish."

I seems like every man is hoping that Venus will grant him his wish for his statuesque representation of a woman.  But what was this woman that Venus created beyond beautiful?  Pygmalion does not know her.  He only knows that she is receptive to his sexual advances.  The story continues that they marry and have a child.  Nothing is said about the nature of the statue woman.

It seems to be likewise in male fantasy.  She is beautiful and sexually available.  She's not complicated or emotional.  She's not needy.  She doesn't talk much unless she's trying to seduce or only on topics you enjoy.  She's also........... not real.  The point of the story should not be a happily ever after but rather a horrible mismatch.  The reality is human relations are really complicated, emotional, and messy..... even D/s ones.  You can't avoid that.  

What is beauty?  Is it what Hollywood tells you is beautiful?  Is it something everyone agrees with?  Is it historical?  Is it biological?  Is it evolutionary?  Is it a product of culture?  Or is it entirely in the eye of the beholder?  

I can say for certain that it isn't historical.  At one time, a woman of ample size was considered the most desirable, and now this culture seems to have an affinity for tomboyish athleticism.  Human beings all differ in size and shape.  Even the models don't look like the images on magazine after the makeup artistry and photoshopping creates the illusion of our culturally accepted perfection.  What I'm saying is don't chase illusion.  You are unlikely to find it.  And the more time you spend alone believing you deserve this illusion as your reality, the more you convince yourself you can wait to make a meaningful connection with another human being.  

A hundred years ago, a beauty was the best of what was available in your town.  Now as the distance barrier is removed and airbrushing changes standards, the concept of beauty has become something unattainable, and men think that if they flip through enough profile photos online that they will find that magic someone that meets all their criteria.  I'm here to tell you that you will fail... as long as you hold standards that impossible to meet.

Women are not sexual objects to be bought and sold.  If you have been treating us as such, you are no sub.  You are man with a problem.  In the end you will not find what you are seeking, instead you will end up old and bitter.... for not attaining the trophy.  You don't deserve us if you think this way.

Penis Obsession

I read a very interesting interview on SubmissiveProud of what he calls a "Fierce Feminist".  She says about misconceptions about dominant women: "That we are as enamored with your penis [and the control of it] as you are. There are of course variances from woman to woman but I have never met a woman, vanilla or otherwise, who really gave a lot of thought to her man's penis without first being prompted by her male partner... Men do more than enough of that sort of obsessing for the both of them."  I couldn't agree more!  Every sub I talk to wants to know what I want to do with their penis.  This gets back to my post about men setting the tone for the expectations of a dominant woman and how, I think, men see submission as a sexual act and women see it as meekness, humbleness.

According to Mirriam-Webster submission is the following:

1. a : a legal agreement to submit to the decision of arbitrators & b : an act of submitting something (as for consideration or inspection); also : something submitted (as a manuscript)
2. : the condition of being submissive, humble, or compliant
3. : an act of submitting to the authority or control of another

Here is the problem.  I think men see submission as partly definition number one with the "act of submitting something" for consideration, inspection & definition number three the "act of submitting to control" and that something is their anatomy.  While men aren't understanding the definition wrong, they aren't really offering most of us women something we really care about.  Yes, of course, we prefer a man not spend all day wanking or thinking about sex with other women.  Certainly, we want say over the amount and types of sex we explore in the bedroom.  Do we really want to monitor your penis all day?  No.


I had the recent ex wear a chastity device to work.  I didn't really need worry that he was porking someone at the office but the device just made it so I don't need to even think about that possibility.  I could then think even less about penis than I already did... not much at all.  And while I did enjoy occasionally teasing him with it on,  it wasn't to cause him pain for my benefit.  It was most a test of my attractiveness.  So I got news for the boys, I made it all about me and not you.


Submission for most women is mostly definition number two: meekness, humbleness.  When we want a submissive man, we are seeking for a man to be humble and compliant.  And while some see penis control as a means to that end, I feel that that doesn't really work in the long run.  I really don't think penis has anything to do with it.  The penis-oriented submission is what men like for arousal purposes.  They are tickling their own pickle with the idea of submitting their penis for inspection, rejection, and abuse.  They aren't learning how to be better men because of it.  They are only getting what they want: to get off.


The pro-domme/pr0n industry is catering to this fantasy.  The guys that wank to this stuff most often go back to "their normal selves" once the wanking is done.  They keep thinking if the abuse was a little longer or the penis control was more constant in their lives that they can carry this pickle tickle into their daily lives and the arousal state will be longer and more intense.  Do you see anything in there about what they want to do for the women they claim to worship?  Nope.  Why?  They aren't worshipping women.  They are worshipping the arousal state and the object that provides it.  And I chose the word "object" very carefully.


So I argue that M/s relationships cannot, most often, provide women with the submission they are seeking from men simply because it isn't genuine.  Even if they do all the things that she asks of him, the intention is not there.  The intention is for himself primarily.  


We don't need to settle for this as I saw many do on She Makes the Rules.  I completely disagree that women get one thing and men get another and that's okay.  It's not okay to live disingenuous lives.  Men need to learn what true humbleness is and that no amount of paddling is going to create it.  And if they aren't interested without the kink/penis element, then they aren't submissive and should stop pretending for it to be.  


I actually had some guy tell me that he saw submissiveness as a sexual-orientation.  That about sums it up for me.  Ladies, we are often barking up the wrong tree and it is hard many times to tell whether you are dealing with a masochist or true submissive.  Believe me, I know.  I think, in general, we need to stop seeking men on places like collarme, even if we do have some kink interests.  The right man will be open to bedroom things as well.  It's far better that he not come to the table with that being his primary reason for looking for a relationship in the first place.

Need vs Want

If you've browsed enough collarme profiles you'll notice a bunch of trendy sayings that people latch onto.  Perhaps trendy is the wrong word.  Maybe I should go with.... copycat.  It seems far more honest.  The one that is pissing me today is "I don't want you to need me.  I want you to want me." Now, let me explain why this is utter shite...

What these bozos really ought to be saying is that they don't want to have to get emotionally involved in the situation cuz that's what they really mean.  They're afraid she might get clingy and needy.  God forbid, she have normal female emotions that are messy and confusing for these poor, emotionally-stunted morons.

My most recent ex pulled this crap on me too.... He was really big on semantics.  He kept correcting me all the time about the difference of want and need... Yes, I said *correcting ME* on the difference which I found infuriating.  I tried to let it slide because we had much bigger issues than this in particular.  But, dear reader, it won't take you long to see a pattern of incompatibility a mile long.

I mentioned in my profile that I am sensitive.  Let me clarify.  I'm empathic.  That means I am deeply in tune with the emotions of the people around me.  If you are unsettled, I am unsettled.  His emotions were dark.  He lives with everything bottled up like if one day if you popped the top he'd go on a homicidal rampage.  He lives in constant fear of what is inside the bottle.  So if you are empathic and you have the tremendous upheaval of moving across coast on the hopes and dreams of being with the one you'd love for the rest of your life and this bottle, and a whole lot of uncertainty on his part, is presented right after you de-board the plane, you will most likely panic as I did.  So did I want reassurance or did I need it?

Listen up, Mr Need/Want.  If you want to go about your life seeking sexual thrills, by all means have at it.  DON'T, however, try to have a real relationship because you just aren't qualified.  You, in fact, will fail miserably making both you and your intended very unhappy.