Internet Dating Blues

Around and around the internet dating carnival ride goes.  I get a message, and it's a decent one, so I reply.  We get on.  We may move to skype or we may not.  And then it gets stuck.  The infinite loop of emails through cm, far too many conversations in Skype, and no meeting.  It's wasted months of my life at this point.

I suppose there's a variety of reasons this happens.  Even I have to admit that I've talked to men that I wasn't terribly keen on with the intent to give them a chance only to decide later it really wasn't going to happen.  Whether it be a photograph that did match the cam image or a personality that didn't match the eloquent emails I was receiving, I understand that what people think they are getting in a profile and the reality can be incongruent to say the least.

It amazes me though that I still get emails from married men.  This just slays me.  I am so very clear in my profile about what I am seeking, so what on earth would think I'd give them even a whisper of a chance.  The only time I made that mistake both of us ended up hurt, and it wasn't at all worth it.

Valentines Day is rapidly approaching yet again, and I am still single after 9 years on CM.  I get why people give up, but will you ever be truly happy seeking a relationship where you need to pretend to be something you're not?   I don't even have that option.   I can't act!

Over the last year I took some time to work on my career, hence my disappearance.  I also had nothing major to report as far as dating was concerned.  I had my heart broken by someone I clicked really well with, but who was really using CM for amusement while his wife did the real breadwinning.  When the cat's away and all that....

I'm over it.  Moving on.

Pygmalion called. He wants his statue back.

I happened upon this song, and it sparked the following post.
O-Town - Liquid Dreams  Listen.  Or just read the lyrics here.

How often is it that men are seeking in a mate some reproduction of a movie starlet poster they jerked off to as teen?  How many think they somehow deserve a woman more attractive than they genuinely match?  How many, for that matter, care more for a pretty package than brain or even personality?

As Wikipedia tells it: "In Ovid's narrative, Pygmalion was a Cypriot sculptor who carved a woman out of ivory. According to Ovid, after seeing the Propoetides prostituting themselves (more accurately, they denied the divinity of Venus and she thus ‘reduced’ them to prostitution), he was 'not interested in women', but his statue was so fair and realistic that he fell in love with it.

In time, Venus (Aphrodite)'s festival day came, and Pygmalion made offerings at the altar of Venus. There he quietly wished that his ivory sculpture would be changed to a real woman. When he returned home, he kissed his ivory statue and found that its lips felt warm. He kissed it again and touched her breasts with his hand and found that the ivory lost its hardness. Venus had granted Pygmalion's wish."

I seems like every man is hoping that Venus will grant him his wish for his statuesque representation of a woman.  But what was this woman that Venus created beyond beautiful?  Pygmalion does not know her.  He only knows that she is receptive to his sexual advances.  The story continues that they marry and have a child.  Nothing is said about the nature of the statue woman.

It seems to be likewise in male fantasy.  She is beautiful and sexually available.  She's not complicated or emotional.  She's not needy.  She doesn't talk much unless she's trying to seduce or only on topics you enjoy.  She's also........... not real.  The point of the story should not be a happily ever after but rather a horrible mismatch.  The reality is human relations are really complicated, emotional, and messy..... even D/s ones.  You can't avoid that.  

What is beauty?  Is it what Hollywood tells you is beautiful?  Is it something everyone agrees with?  Is it historical?  Is it biological?  Is it evolutionary?  Is it a product of culture?  Or is it entirely in the eye of the beholder?  

I can say for certain that it isn't historical.  At one time, a woman of ample size was considered the most desirable, and now this culture seems to have an affinity for tomboyish athleticism.  Human beings all differ in size and shape.  Even the models don't look like the images on magazine after the makeup artistry and photoshopping creates the illusion of our culturally accepted perfection.  What I'm saying is don't chase illusion.  You are unlikely to find it.  And the more time you spend alone believing you deserve this illusion as your reality, the more you convince yourself you can wait to make a meaningful connection with another human being.  

A hundred years ago, a beauty was the best of what was available in your town.  Now as the distance barrier is removed and airbrushing changes standards, the concept of beauty has become something unattainable, and men think that if they flip through enough profile photos online that they will find that magic someone that meets all their criteria.  I'm here to tell you that you will fail... as long as you hold standards that impossible to meet.

Women are not sexual objects to be bought and sold.  If you have been treating us as such, you are no sub.  You are man with a problem.  In the end you will not find what you are seeking, instead you will end up old and bitter.... for not attaining the trophy.  You don't deserve us if you think this way.

Male Motives?

Are men just looking for sex?  Is that really all that life comes down to for you?  Is it all just a series of accomplishments so that you can bang the hottest chick and/or as many possible?  Is everything you do during the day another step in the master plan to get laid?  With or without elaborate props?

I've had numerous conversations with a random sample of "man's man type" guys, even subs, and they all give a whole-hearted and resounding: Yes!  Which I find particularly amusing because I know at least one woman that steadfastly wants to believe that I'm just being cynical to think this about men... and in fact, gave me a verbal thrashing for it.  I worry about her.  I fear her innocence is what is getting her hurt over and again.

And when I find one or two that say that isn't their major focus they try to get their jollies in even creepier and more subtle ways, like the last roommate that had to point out that he enjoyed when I accidentally brushed by his mid-section.  [For the record: I don't know what response you expected from me... but it certainly was not going to be: Oh baby, do me now!  I just saw it as creepy that you had to tell me.  Some things are best left unsaid.]

Another, my ex, said he wanted a relationship.  I'm not sure he knew what that even meant.  From what he showed me, he hasn't a clue what that entails.  It seems to me that he was only really looking for a female that he could tolerate long enough between episodes of plowing him in the ass.  He said he wanted companionship... but what did he mean by that really?  Enjoy doing stuff he likes?  Watching guy films/shitty sitcoms with him?  Not only is that not my idea of good time, I find it very un-sub-like for him to expect ME to conform to his pastimes.  [Look pal, being sub in my world means you conform to my likes... and it isn't contingent on whether I plug you in the butt.  It's contingent on whether you qualify to be my partner, not I your partner.]

I'd say every man I dated was definitely waiting, hoping, and counting the minutes until I put out, some certainly more overt than others.  I don't know if it was because the power is entirely in a woman's hand on that issue or if men really are that horny.  Or both?  While some consider that a power over men I'd say it's weak at best.  I don't feel more powerful for having denied a partner orgasm.  I feel more powerful when he still wants me after having gotten the sex.  I feel even more powerful once we settle into the relationship.  It's love that gives me power, not metering out sex.

I think sex denial is a refusal of a type of closeness/ intimacy.  I don't think that is healthy for a relationship.  If the orgasm endorphin (oxytocin) is what is released after a woman gives birth to improve the bonding of mother and child, certainly post-orgasmic cuddling is important for the bonding of a couple.  If either partner refuses this, it is detrimental to the maintenance of the relationship (including men that just fall asleep after orgasm or get up right away to leave).