I've had numerous conversations with a random sample of "man's man type" guys, even subs, and they all give a whole-hearted and resounding: Yes! Which I find particularly amusing because I know at least one woman that steadfastly wants to believe that I'm just being cynical to think this about men... and in fact, gave me a verbal thrashing for it. I worry about her. I fear her innocence is what is getting her hurt over and again.
And when I find one or two that say that isn't their major focus they try to get their jollies in even creepier and more subtle ways, like the last roommate that had to point out that he enjoyed when I accidentally brushed by his mid-section. [For the record: I don't know what response you expected from me... but it certainly was not going to be: Oh baby, do me now! I just saw it as creepy that you had to tell me. Some things are best left unsaid.]
Another, my ex, said he wanted a relationship. I'm not sure he knew what that even meant. From what he showed me, he hasn't a clue what that entails. It seems to me that he was only really looking for a female that he could tolerate long enough between episodes of plowing him in the ass. He said he wanted companionship... but what did he mean by that really? Enjoy doing stuff he likes? Watching guy films/shitty sitcoms with him? Not only is that not my idea of good time, I find it very un-sub-like for him to expect ME to conform to his pastimes. [Look pal, being sub in my world means you conform to my likes... and it isn't contingent on whether I plug you in the butt. It's contingent on whether you qualify to be my partner, not I your partner.]
I'd say every man I dated was definitely waiting, hoping, and counting the minutes until I put out, some certainly more overt than others. I don't know if it was because the power is entirely in a woman's hand on that issue or if men really are that horny. Or both? While some consider that a power over men I'd say it's weak at best. I don't feel more powerful for having denied a partner orgasm. I feel more powerful when he still wants me after having gotten the sex. I feel even more powerful once we settle into the relationship. It's love that gives me power, not metering out sex.
I think sex denial is a refusal of a type of closeness/ intimacy. I don't think that is healthy for a relationship. If the orgasm endorphin (oxytocin) is what is released after a woman gives birth to improve the bonding of mother and child, certainly post-orgasmic cuddling is important for the bonding of a couple. If either partner refuses this, it is detrimental to the maintenance of the relationship (including men that just fall asleep after orgasm or get up right away to leave).
I think you're being too cynical. For many of my male friends, a sexual relationship is an expression of love, and the sex isn't that interesting unless the desire and intimacy are two-way.
ReplyDeleteGiles, I don't think you read the whole post.
ReplyDeleteI also take issue with sex being the "expression" of love. It isn't. It's important. I didn't say it wasn't. What I'm saying is that men have an unhealthy obsession with sex and their penis to the exclusion of other parts of their lives.... so much that you actually want to make your entire relationship based around your penis. This is wrong. BDSM is play where the sub rules and everything is all about the sub's fantasies. I have no more patience for that nonsense.
ReplyDelete@Giles English--Thanks for being a typical man. This Woman really appreciates it, and I bet the TrueDomme did too. TD, you're right, Sister! He didn't read the whole post! In TRUE D/s sex is more of an aside. It's the mutual respect and the Domme's POWER OVER THE SUB that is a far bigger turn-on than any sort of wham-bam-thank-ya-ma'am. I don't see sex as an expression of anything, other than getting laid. Ya want laid? Find a hooker or go fcuk the Hot Chick. Ya want a real relationship? FIND A WOMAN. Yes, a WOMAN. . . not some pathetic little girl or some Barbie doll that ties you up then sucks you off. That's not BDSM, that's pr0n. Hang in there, TrueDomme!
ReplyDeleteI just found your blog a few days ago. I always figured that it would have to be ridiculously easy for a domme to find a sub but I guess it isn't.
ReplyDeleteI know I have been looking for the right woman for years or decades now, its depressing really and I often think about going to regular sites but then this part of me comes back.
The main thing you asked about is how horny men are. I think you are on to something but can't face it. Yes men are a lot hornier than women, lets talk a factor of 10 to start. Personally I think that if women gave men more sex the world would be a much better place, I am talking about less war, less crime more happiness for everyone.
Maybe I am wrong about the 10 factor, maybe its 50.
Now as a submissive I definitely am one guy who likes to cuddle afterwards with a woman, actually I like my hands all over her or between her legs and around her tummy to tell the truth and want to fall asleep that way.
The other big mistake women make with men is the old mind reader thing. Lets face it, men are not mind readers, actually we are not all that good at even reading our own mind let alone a woman's.
Now for me even as a submissive I still want sex all the time. Chastity, denial, cuckolding. Don't get it, just don't and never will.
Ok back to the mind reading. I think the best thing in general dominant women have going for them is their willingness to tell men what they want (or are going to demand). Lets save everyone some heartache here and just get it out there. Then if the man isn't interested or can't deliver well so be it.
Also, I think you and a lot of other women don't understand how much men really want to please you. How devastated we are when you don't appreciate us or what we are willing to do or go through for your appreciation and love. Especially submissive men, we tend to put women up on the old pedestal, which can be another mistake but I think we are definitely more romantically inclined.
But as with Giles, I think he did read the post, Dommebrarian doesn't like it that men equate sex with love aside from the fact that again I could be wrong about the 10 factor and maybe it's 100.
So why don't we start with what you are looking for and what you like. What activities do you like that you want the man to do with you, what kind of sex do you like and how much.
Now the word "relationship" that word can mean anything but in the context of man woman it means sex and love. In the context of woman man maybe it means love and committment with some sex. Just another fucking screw up joke God is playing on us all down here. So why not just accept the fact that men want sex about 100 times more than women want it and go from there. If Dommebrarian is a librarian then maybe she can understand that the same words mean different things to different people. In fact that reminds me of a book I read where men spoke one language and women spoke another. Maybe thats what we should be doing.
Still as I shouldn't be up this late as part of the experiment if you want to talk to me just tell me and I will send you a message to your email. God knows I would like to find a dominant woman in my area and age group and just wish someone would tell me what I have been doing wrong all these years.
Maybe I should just tell women how beautiful I think they are or what ever else I can figure they want to hear to get them into bed instead of what I really think and I wish someone would let me in on the secret to life that I am missing.
"The Mission
ReplyDeleteSeek Mr. Right. Seduce Him. Rule Him. "
Maybe that should change to "Find Mr. Respectful and wholeheartedly submissive, don't lure him in sexually by seducing but build a friendship, a team that enjoys both nonsexual and sexual activities together, including ruling/being ruled."
And by the way Anonymous poster May 25, 2011 11:29 PM ,
ReplyDeleteYour post annoyed the face offa me. SOME women have twice the libido of their men. My sub occasionally has trouble keeping up with me when it comes to sex, admittedly I am the perv of the relationship. SOME men were raised to not be horny disgusting toads but real men who want for a true romantic team, and some subs don't need to be kept in chastity in order to control themselves.
Good luck finding ANY Domme who will take you with such a nasty attitude that you have about women, because I'll tell you what you're doing wrong: You are telling women what we don't understand and what we should be doing.
"I think that if women gave men more sex the world would be a much better place"???
MAYBE you should try being a Dominant for a change. Then you can tell a woman what you want and command her to speak her mind all the time so you don't have to hurt your poor sex-dominated male brain by trying to understand her and figure her out, all without being a hypocrite like you are now. And on top of that you can demand all the sex your junk can handle from her.