Male Motives?

Are men just looking for sex?  Is that really all that life comes down to for you?  Is it all just a series of accomplishments so that you can bang the hottest chick and/or as many possible?  Is everything you do during the day another step in the master plan to get laid?  With or without elaborate props?

I've had numerous conversations with a random sample of "man's man type" guys, even subs, and they all give a whole-hearted and resounding: Yes!  Which I find particularly amusing because I know at least one woman that steadfastly wants to believe that I'm just being cynical to think this about men... and in fact, gave me a verbal thrashing for it.  I worry about her.  I fear her innocence is what is getting her hurt over and again.

And when I find one or two that say that isn't their major focus they try to get their jollies in even creepier and more subtle ways, like the last roommate that had to point out that he enjoyed when I accidentally brushed by his mid-section.  [For the record: I don't know what response you expected from me... but it certainly was not going to be: Oh baby, do me now!  I just saw it as creepy that you had to tell me.  Some things are best left unsaid.]

Another, my ex, said he wanted a relationship.  I'm not sure he knew what that even meant.  From what he showed me, he hasn't a clue what that entails.  It seems to me that he was only really looking for a female that he could tolerate long enough between episodes of plowing him in the ass.  He said he wanted companionship... but what did he mean by that really?  Enjoy doing stuff he likes?  Watching guy films/shitty sitcoms with him?  Not only is that not my idea of good time, I find it very un-sub-like for him to expect ME to conform to his pastimes.  [Look pal, being sub in my world means you conform to my likes... and it isn't contingent on whether I plug you in the butt.  It's contingent on whether you qualify to be my partner, not I your partner.]

I'd say every man I dated was definitely waiting, hoping, and counting the minutes until I put out, some certainly more overt than others.  I don't know if it was because the power is entirely in a woman's hand on that issue or if men really are that horny.  Or both?  While some consider that a power over men I'd say it's weak at best.  I don't feel more powerful for having denied a partner orgasm.  I feel more powerful when he still wants me after having gotten the sex.  I feel even more powerful once we settle into the relationship.  It's love that gives me power, not metering out sex.

I think sex denial is a refusal of a type of closeness/ intimacy.  I don't think that is healthy for a relationship.  If the orgasm endorphin (oxytocin) is what is released after a woman gives birth to improve the bonding of mother and child, certainly post-orgasmic cuddling is important for the bonding of a couple.  If either partner refuses this, it is detrimental to the maintenance of the relationship (including men that just fall asleep after orgasm or get up right away to leave).

Let's Talk About Kink

While I don't think that D/s is or should be centered around sex, that does not at all mean that I am not sex positive or unadventurous. In my 35 years, I've done more than most people do in their whole lives.... and I did that before 30. I'm not repressed. I have no hidden desires. If I'm at all interested in trying something, I try it. It's just not a big deal.

Most of what I like in the kink realm is centered around ownership/vulnerabiliy. I liken my ownership interests to the Hindu signs of marriage on a woman. For those that are not familiar, there are items that a Hindu wife is supposed to wear depending on the region to show that she is taken. They often include some of the following: sindoor, mangalsutra, bangles, toe rings, and anklets. It doesn't matter if you don't know what a sindoor is. What matters is that I like my own version of signs that a man is mine.

This might include a chastity device while he is away from me, a jewelry style collar that can be worn all the times, a tattoo, and of course upon marriage a wedding band (Yes, I want to marry my sub.). To me, a wedding band by itself is far too easy to slip off. I want a man to want to feel possessed by me.

Beyond this, I like to be the primary aggressor in the bedroom.  No, I don't expect him to lie there like a dead fish.  I want active participation.  I just want to be the one that throws him against the wall, holds his neck, and proceeds to play with an ear or a nipple.  I want to smother him with my breasts or vulva.  There's nothing sexier than a man coated in my juices.

I'm also okay with a bit of bondage.  This ties (pun intended) back into the vulnerability that I seek emotionally.  It doesn't work if the only time he can be vulnerable to me is when he is strapped to the bed.  It has to be a physical component of an already vulnerable position.

I've done the strap-on thing.  I was okay with it.  There is a bit of a power high from it but doesn't get me off.  I think this is one of those things that's better in the mind than in reality.  I don't like this idea of "using" a man sexually.  I get the psychology here but you are more likely to get that with another man than with a woman.  We just don't have the equipment for that.

So yes, I have interest in *some* kink.  It just isn't on the level of hermaphrodite hentai (ROTFL).  Like any woman I want to be wanted, and in my case I want him to be willing to offer far more in devotion than a vanilla man would.