Troubles with All Dating Sites and Collarme "Support"

Over the years I've received abusive messages from men on many dating sites. I know a lot of men think dating for women is a snap, but I'd like to explain to you the types of abuse almost all women receive on dating sites. The thing that really pisses me off, though, is when the website police actually defend the abusers over the abused.

Before I put a profile on Collarme, I had profiles on Plenty of Fish, OkStupid, Planet Out, Match, and a couple of others that are probably still active, but I never check. On all of these sites, women know very well that most men just flip through photos, and most aren't even looking to really date. It's more of a tag and move on sort of thing happening. So, the profiles that women put up are hardly read, except beyond what they consider the most important factors: age, weight, and location. "The pussy," because that's what they see women as, should be young, slim, and convenient. Let's call this type of guy "the incubus," because he just has this desperate hunger, whether sexual or emptiness, that he seeks to fill with sex. He's also a neanderthal, and he's also likely a self-absorbed prick.

Anyway, the incubus type of abuse is through lies and trickery. He's looking to get laid by any means necessary. He'll feign interest in your conversation, claim to like all the same things you do, go to that indie film you really wanted to see, just so he can get in your pants and never call you again. I know soooo many women who have been fooled by this. This ought to be called rape or at least something close to it. Yah, she consented, but it wasn't honestly consensual.

There there's what I'd like to call "the punisher." This creep trolls all sorts of websites looking to take his rage out on people who he disagrees with, don't meet his "standards", or in any way deviate from his perception of how women in particular ought to behave. He trolls dating sites looking for women to punish for sounding too uppity, who happen to be over weight, or anything else he decides need his personal brand of vitriol. He hates feminists; he hates women he finds unattractive; and he hates her opinions; so, he sends a diatribe about how she's a ugly whore who ought to be raped and murdered. If he's only slightly sociopathic, he'll tell her how she's a bitch that should die alone because she happens to want to be the dominant partner in a relationship. I've gotten some form of this one. A year ago I got one that yelled at me because our state governor didn't want to refer to Christmas in our holidays displays, and he came off like some dittohead. (It's not my fault, and I support no special treatment for any religion in government.)

Next there's "the creep." The creep is a guy that would like to be the incubus, but is neither suave nor good looking nor bright enough to pull it off. One version of the creep is the H1B visa Indian guys who are over 40 (probably married) and horny (mind you, not all Indian men are like this). They send message after message to a woman hoping he can just wear her down with persistence. And if a poor unsuspecting woman thinks he's being persistent because he actually likes her, she's in for a terrible night. He'll pull all the gross moves of a 1970's leisure suit larry type, then get aggressive when she turns him down. Another version of the creep is the socially maladjusted type that makes crude innuendos hoping that will turn a woman on. Ick.

When a woman gets a message from the punisher type, one would like to think that website support would be supportive of the abused and not shield the abuser. Well, terms of services can be very selectively used to goad a member to leave a site. I am very close to removing my profile from Collarme permanently. I posted to my journal today a tinyurl version of a link to a Huffington Post article, and the suddenly my profile is turned off. WTF did I do? Apparently, posting a Tinyurl is against TOS. Okay, so I removed it.

Next email. I have broke TOS by "blacklisting" members. What? They define blacklisting as showing a member in a bad light. No, I didn't! If someone sent me an abusive email, I posted the comment and their name. They showed themselves in a bad light. I took down the ones that were just flat out liars about who they were, but left two that I felt were completely justified. Again, the email says I've blacklisted members, and I have to change my journal.

This is officially now either an effort to get me to leave Collarme or protection of abusive members. Again I was polite and asked if I had forwarded the abusive emails if they would have done anything about it (so far no reply). My profile is still hidden. These are very old journal entries too, at least a year or more. It feels to me that they are just being assholes now. I reluctantly removed the names, but not the messages I received. I figured by now they probably already closed their account, so getting indignant really wasn't worth it.

I will update this post when I receive a reply. I've save my profile content to a word file just in case they close my account. I honestly don't care at this point. Collarme is a fucked up place. Always has been.

[Edit 12:01 2/2/2014] Based on Collarme's TOS since the quotes I posted are not verifiable, they do break their TOS. I argue that my history and the content of my journal ought to show that I am not in the habit of making slanderous remarks against people. I only call people out when they have done something to me. It appears we are at an impasse.

I am closing my Collarme account. End of an era really. I was going on 10 years on that site. For all its lumps and bumps, it was a source of a lot of my blog material.