I hear a lot, "So what makes you different from a bitchy, high maintenance woman?" I find this question pretty offensive. I don't think women should be referred to in this manner but so be it. First and foremost, I'm not a bitch. I don't seek to make anyone's life miserable. In fact, most that know me would call me pretty giving and selfless. I try very hard for people, including my partner. I don't think demanding care and attention makes anyone bitchy. Second, I suppose I would have to admit to being high maintenance, although my type of high maintenance is emotional. I suppose for some that would be considered harder and worse than financial but tough luck. What this means, then, is that I expect my partner to be a caring listener... and that includes if he has done something wrong as well.
I think the relationship between me and my partner can best be described as captain and first-mate or head chef and sous chef. Not only do I expect authority I expect trust in my judgment. As I have said many times I expect to earn it. Final decisions are mine to make. I dictate the schedules, the importance of projects, and who is to be where and when. This includes dictating chores he's to do.
I expect emotional dependence from my partner. I don't seek someone that wishes a lot of autonomy or grumbles at having to check in with me about what they are doing. If I say to do something, I expect it to start immediately and if it can't I want to know why. I'm completely reasonable and understand that things come up but that's where he should be checking in with me. If that level of control is uncomfortable or unwanted then don't seek me out. Hell, even I announce what I'm doing and in what order with the intention of looking for more information that will help make a better schedule. I don't just do things and expect my partner or roommate or friends to just wait around for me or not have expectations of me. I don't understand this mentality at all.
So daily, aside from his work time, which I have no intention of interfering with, his time is my time. I don't accept nights out with the boys or dinners/activities alone with ex-girlfriends/ex-wives/etc. I expect that sometimes we would want to do different things, alla hobbies, games, whatever and time would be allotted for that, but otherwise home time is my time and time for doing things together. Of course, I value quality time over quantity of time. So during that time I have I want it filled with clear and open connection, talking, and fun activities.
I do NOT intend to live parallel lives with my partner. I'd like us to be best friends in addition to the love and D/s that we share. We should be deeply engaged in each other or we break up. End of story. I have no time or patience for less. He should feel like he can't wait to get home to spend time with me and I with him. If we don't, something is wrong.
I expect him to be open and honest about who he is and what he wants. Don't make shit up just to try to make things work with me. Don't pretend to be something you aren't. If you lie on the application you are wasting both our times because I will find out eventually and I will fire you, got it?
I am the teacher in this relationship. If you feel don't have anything else to learn in this life, we are not compatible. That said, I am not opposed to learning as well. I always listen and revise my beliefs and opinions based on new information presented. I expect it to be presented in a humble and respectful manner. A condescending or authoritarian tone is not acceptable ever.
I don't have a punishment system. I lecture when I'm pissed off. Apparently, I have a very sharp tone when I'm angry. I don't feel I need to change for you. You shouldn't push me to a place that gets that tone in the first place and if you do, you deserve what you get. If I'm that angry you've probably tried to assert authority or said something really stupid. It doesn't take much to calm me down but damn well learn what it is and DO IT.
On that note, I am not one of those women that doesn't say why I'm upset. I'm usually say exactly what is troubling me, why it upset me, and how you can make it better, in that order. The right response to that is NOT to get defensive or to invalidate my feelings. The right response does not include yelling at me for anything. The right response does not include denial or misrepresenting what happened. Accept what you did, apologize, mean it, atone, and we move on.
So very simply, we go back to the concept of union and the spiritual path that leads to it. For men, this is a journey of self discovery, of letting go of a lot of ingrained misogyny, of learning how to be truly submissive in the relationship.
Note: I don't have a set schedule for how I run my life and likewise I don't want to be expected to provide one for anyone else. Yes, I want a man to do most of the chores around the house. Yes, I want my needs to be attended to. I'd like most of life to be fairly spontaneous and not scheduled down to the last minute. I am somewhat of a planner but I don't like rigid, structured days either. This isn't the army. This is real life.
