Protocol

A new term has become popular on CM, a fad like many others. It's protocol, and it is loosely defined as a very structured lifestyle with often very strict behavior rules. Things associated are like eye restrictions, speech restrictions, very specific schedules, etc.

It sounds an awful lot like military training, doesn't it?  With a female drill sergeant.

While I have no trouble with micro-managing a partner, the last thing on the planet I would ever seek is for him to never speak. It seems to me that this is just what many men would like: to not have to talk about their feelings or learn how to be emotionally supportive. They get to do the tasks assigned that provide them with comfort and arousal *and* they don't have to hear about all that girly mushy stuff.

Okay..... How exactly is this not selfishness? How does this benefit a woman unless she's completely unidimensional? I mean really. Okay so she's got a clean house and sexual service on command.... But where is the relationship part?  Maybe this is fine for a part time playmate you don't care about but who could sustain a relationship like this? Who would want to? Not I!

This falls under several categories of kink I find completely disingenuous, that are all sold as "ways to serve", but serve no one but the sub. I find the whole thing distasteful.

If you serve me, it's to serve my needs.  If you are only interested in your own, you already lost my interest.  I'm not here to be a provider of your kink for you, and I'll be damned if I'm going to take on another job in my life, for example, milking your prostate every day.  Um, no.  If we are even going to pretend that this is about me, then this is not how it works at all.

I don't find taking on another job even remotely sexy.  I find a boy doing things for me without self interest, however, very sexy, very loving, and very appealing.

In his Words... Surrender

I've recently had the pleasure of spending time with a very sweet and intelligent boy that goes by the username, gorget.  I've asked him to share his thoughts on surrendering.


"Surrendering control, from my humble perspective, is essentially a contract between the two parties.


For the male, it is an acknowledgement that the woman is in the best position to make decisions for them both, given her higher emotional intelligence, greater empathy and more insightful social perception. She has a more wholesome blend of skills to manage the health of the relationship, free as she is from the selfish, short term thoughts that a man can suffer from as and when he thinks with his cock.


In submitting, the man is relieved of the burden of control, and in knowing that the woman's decisions are for the benefit of both it is a pleasure to obey. The arrangement builds trust and encourages communication, diminishing the chances of a lack of either wrecking the relationship as so many others fall prey to. The man will find an ever increasing respect and bond with the woman as she accepts him as a submissive, and the woman will be rewarded with increasing joy as the mutual happiness bears fruit and all barriers to intimacy are stripped away.


So, if the male and female have the courage together to defy the expectations of society in who should lead the relationship they open themselves up to the possibility of something so much greater than can otherwise be achieved. "


[Edit: Sadly it was not meant to be. Where there's one there ought to be more, yes?]

More on Compartmentalization & Psychology

I can understand why someone would say that they need to be able to compartmentalize to function.  I wasn't saying that anyone should completely do away with it completely.  I agree that everyone needs to be able to put away feelings, for example, at work because no one is going to just understand why you are a weepy mess at a business meeting.

I do, however, think that compartmentalization is a very bad way to deal with emotions at home.  Functional humans have to learn to understand their feelings and be able to express them in a healthy manner.  This is learned by women from birth.  You can learn it too.

Most women don't ever evolve to the point of being able to rationally explain exactly what they are feeling, nor do they ever learn that the silent treatment, for example, is not something men understand instinctually.  I, on the other hand, am both logical and emotional so I am able to explain exactly what I feel, why I feel it, and what I need to make it better.  What the man has to do in that situation is show me he understands why I'm upset and then provide the comfort I outlined.  Pretty simple really.

The compartmentalization can horribly trip men up when that's their sole way of dealing with hurt, and some actually expect women to basically handle their own emotions alone.  That's just not how we work as a species.  And really, men only do that because they are taught never to show vulnerability.  Well, I SEEK that vulnerability.  So the evolution of my partner requires that he learn the language of emotion, and not expect sex or pain or menial tasks as a proxy way to deal with problems.  I may want some additional atonement behaviors but generally that's after the emotional stuff is sorted.

I think men sometimes like bdsm because it seems like a simple answer to things.  That's not really reality, guys.  The business world, the military, and the legal system pretty much work that way, but relationships do not.  It's not x offense = y punishment.  And really if you think about it... even the legal system isn't really like that because were have civil law to provide compensation for damage done, because prison time is often just not enough.

Often the kink desires people have are just psychological needs that can be fulfilled in healthier ways, I think. And while I can't just give simple equations: humiliation = x emotion/need/whatever.  I can dig into that desire, find out it's root, and figure out where it comes from.  Maybe there's a healthier way to deal with it that actually provides more satisfaction than the kink might have.

I know, for example, my interest in marking my partner is related to feeling abandoned by my exhusband.  Physical displays of ownership make me feel safer.  A man wearing a chastity device while away from me also makes me feel safer.  The chastity devices also allow me to test my attractiveness to my partner, which is a turn on.  These needs can be handled other ways.  A man can behave in a way that is shows his loyalty which would over time inspire trust. 

Men aren't the best at being loyal, however, so perhaps physical restraints are necessary.  

Real Tantra: part 1

Woman is the creator of the universe the universe is her form; woman is the foundation of the world, she is the true form of the body. In woman is the form of all things, of all that lives and moves in the world. There is no jewel rarer than woman, no condition superior to that of a woman. -Shaktisangama Tantra


When a man solely worships a woman for the way his penis reacts to her, he has cheapened all women.  When a man beats or scolds or thinks himself superior to women, he is fighting against nature herself like child having a tantrum.  A man that cannot admit he has something to learn from women; he is the truest of fools. 


Men have built religions that honor maleness, placed male strengths as the highest ideals, and congratulated themselves for their position of power, but some are starting to see through the façade.  Doesn't it seem like they are trying to convince themselves?  It certainly seems that way to me.  


Ancient tantric yogis knew that woman was the first form of the body, and we sad creatures, it took us multiple millennia and science to figure out this simple biological fact.  Man is derivative.  He is an altered female.  It doesn't take much to see that.  

My history professor explained male anatomy through analogy.  He remembered growing up with the family Plymouth Fury.  He said that it came in two additions: the souped-up verison with the clock, the radio, and the cigarette lighter, and the base version which had metal plates over those three areas.  Boys, stand in front of the mirror and ask yourself why you have nipples.  They serve absolutely no biological function for men.  It's rather like the metal plates covering the missing mammary glands.  A woman creates a fully sustainable ecosystem within which to grow a new life... and the best you can manage is genetic material delivery.  The egg is the part that actually does all the work to form life.  Sperm are just chromosomes with propulsion. 


I'm not saying we don't need men or that men have no value.  I don't think that's fair at all.  I do, however, think that reassessment of our values is in order.  I think it is wrong to treat women as chattel to be locked away AND as constant sexual objects.... and if men are truly to worship women, it must be done for the right reasons.  Current BDSM practices do not do anything but allow men to constantly focus on their penis.  

Another Valentine's

Well, another Valentine's Day has passed.  I'm seriously fed up with online dating.  I'm disgusted with meat market the whole thing has become.  WTF is wrong with men that they see these websites as cheap stores to buy pussy (Domme/sub/vanilla, doesn't matter) for an evening.  The scammer game ought to be illegal, yet it's societally accepted as the woman's fault if she spreads her legs.  Or worse, she's a cock tease if she goes on the date and doesn't put out.  This is a disgusting mentality.

No one is entitled access to my body in exchange for a crap dinner at a restaurant!  If you want a cheap whore, go buy one!  Don't give me this fake, "I'm so interested in your conversation" bullshit when I can see in your eyes, "when will this bitch shut up and blow me/beat me?"  Um, never, dickhole, cuz I read your thoughts through your eyes... so guess what, I'm having another bottle of wine and dessert and you can go on your blue-balled way.

It's really not any different on the bdsm personnels.  Men want the wham-bam-thank you-ma'am version of a relationship everywhere.  They want all the sex/kink without all the trappings of the heart.  Well, gee, I'm so sorry you're too much of wimp to actually get involved, but I'm not interested in the bedroom with anyone until there's a commitment and feelings.

Shame on all of you that think that it's okay to trick naive women into being used for the evening.  Orgasms don't even enter into it.  You are still lying, using and leaving a woman.  Nothing makes that okay.  NOTHING.

Is love dead?  I seriously have to ask this.  Are you all so warped and jaded that you're too afraid to feel?  How is it that you manage to not have conscience about using another human being?  And worse, a woman?  I really want an answer to this, especially from a man that claims to worship women.

Before we take this any further....

It's been a while since I've posted here.  I guess I haven't been properly motivated with rage to warrant the type of catharsis that goes into my usual writing here.  Well today, you might say I've been properly inspired.

 So I finally get a worthwhile message on my "personals" (I put that in quotes for the retardation that is collarme), and it's from a professor who clearly has a brilliant mind, well-rounded in his interests, and even reads philosophy for fuck sake (my undergrad degree was in philosophy).  We have a brief but lovely discussion about economics and thinkers that shape who we are.  I can't think of a better way to start an dialogue with someone.  We seemed completely on the same page.  Then I did something dumb: I got my hopes up.

And then it comes, the line I dread on these stupid fucking asshole sites: "Before we take this any further..."  And you know nothing good is going to come after that opener.  Sure as shit he's already involved.  Well, why the fuck are you on this site then?  And WHY don't you say this on your profile?  But these are just rhetorical questions because I can venture a guess.

Either this guy is a) a wanker (see definition on post about types of guys that frequent BDSM personals sites) looking for fodder to pull his pud to, b) on the lookout for someone "better" than his current gf/wife, and/or in my case c) he's looking for intellectual stimulation because at home he finds none.  And as I said to him, if the latter is true then heaven help him.  Upon reflection, I'm guessing the correct A & C are the correct answers.

Congratulations, asshole.  You managed to become a time waster.  I should have known something wasn't right when your location was all screwy.  Fuck everything about you.  You don't deserve my time.  You don't deserve my company.  If you were looking for friends you should have said so in your first email.  It's up to ME to decide if I want to pursue that.  You have no right to spring that on me after the fact.

I'm seething with fury as this exact moment.  I could totally channel Tisiphone right now.  Google it.