Kink & Inadequacy

While our society spends billions on selling women beauty inadequacy, it also sells men hyper masculinity inadequacy.  The rugged outdoorsman, the dominating boardroom executive, the aloof boyfriend... It's all over advertisements dripping with naked women and men too cool to notice them.  What is this doing to our men?  I think it's making you feel inadequate, and I think it's making you depressed.  It might even be driving you to fetishize humiliation as a way to process these feelings you can't express in this f'd up world.

I think the failure isn't in your inadequacy; I think this is a failure of culture norms.  Part of what I'm trying to accomplish here is a path out of these feelings to a healthier expression of who you are.  Okay so if you've read enough of my blog, you know nothing I write here is wank material, so you must be getting something out of this... Bear with me.

What I want, if I had my end game, is a more holistic concept of masculinity.  This would be one that accepts gays, accepts men in care-giver roles, accepts "malepolish," accepts crying, and allows men to be weak when they need to be.  I want a masculinity that doesn't abuse women.  I want a masculinity that is inclusive and not "me first." I want a masculinity allows my submissive partner to express who he is without fear of negative judgment from his "bros." All of these things already exist within masculinity, but if you want acceptance, you are going to have to fight for it.

This is a call to arms, a call to all the betas pretending to be leaders and hating themselves.  Stand up, and be who you are, because SOMEONE has to take the first step.  Why not let it be you?  Do you really think everyone will hate you?  You may just find that your friends have all felt the same way as you and we're waiting for someone else to speak up first.  It's all the same unspoken fear.  "I'm not a real man because..."

No man is that real man.  Each one of you is a human being!  Each is an individual, and frankly none of us are buying your tough guy crap anyway.  The thicker the layer the more we roll our eyes.

Truth is people will judge you regardless of what you do, so you might as well tell everyone to go to hell and just do it.  And while you're at it, tell your friends that their sexist jokes aren't funny and to stop normalizing objectification and abuse of women.

Welcome to the 21st century.

How and Why Guys Compartmentalize

I found this on website.  The rest of the site is pointless but this particular bit is worth a read.  I think it explains a lot.

"You've probably noticed how men are eager to put difficult situations behind them and 'moving on'.

From your perspective it may look like he just doesn't want to deal with negativity...and that would be a pretty accurate read of the situation.

Men's ability to do this is called compartmentalization.

Compartmentalization refers to an ability to divide something up into segments or parts as a way to keep from feeling overwhelmed by all the stress in our lives.

Because men have little training when it comes to their emotional world,men have perfected the art of segmenting or compartmentalizing their difficult feelings away from their awareness in order to deal with their immediate survival needs...

one chunk at a time.

This is very valuable when it comes to making decisions that need to be made from a rational, logical perspective.

When it comes to survival, this is a very useful skill set and defines to a large degree one of men’s better talents.

It can of course also become a liability when it comes to having a guy define his feeling state at any particular moment, in that...

accessing the compartmentalized feelings that are necessary for him to make an emotional connection with his wife or girlfriend can be a very difficult thing to do.

Because we as men don't stay aware of these separated feelings, we tend to think (and hope) that they don't exist...

and so we minimize whatever it is we do feel–-especially when it comes to anger, sadness, fear, and shame.

It’s not that these feelings don’t occur.

They are there for every human guy, even if it is difficult for him to identify them in the moment.

But what needs to happen is for him to have the desire to contribute his part of the emotional connection to the relationship.

Again, when it comes to giving relationship advice for women, the best thing to remember is that...

when your man is 'in his cave', or quiet and unresponsive, or unwilling to talk about the tough issues you both are facing...

it means he is compartmentalizing as a way to protect himself from feeling something emotionally vulnerable."

Why did I post this?  Because I hear a lot from the men in the bdsm community that they want a woman to want them but not need them.  This is utter horse shit and the above appears to be why.  They don't want to get hurt so they think if they just get their fantasies fulfilled that's enough to complete them. WRONG, dumbass.