My perfect partner is strong but soft, deeply intellectual but tempered with emotional intelligence, may not be model attractive but has kind features and the attitude to match, sexy but not sex-obsessed, proud of his accomplishments but humble with me, refuses to be a doormat but wants to give me the world, understands and expresses his emotions, welcomes my support but isn't a chronic whiner, expects the best out of me but doesn't tear me down if I fail sometimes, would gladly spend every waking minute with me but grudgingly heads off to work responsibly, must touch some part of me at all times but doesn't make me feel like it's always leading somewhere, has an artistic side but doesn't want to be a starving artist (not accounting for the current nightmare recession), has a dry British sense of humor but knows when it is NOT appropriate to make a joke, has something to teach me but realizes he has even more to learn from me, treats my love everyday as a gift he doesn't deserve but accepts my reassurance that he does, willing to let his guard down to meld with me on many levels and doesn't run because he feels something.
He would have to be able to handle my sensitivity with grace and tact. He'd have to be able to think through the implications of his words, yet convince me over time that I need not over think because I know he means well. He needs to get me to trust him with my whole being. He needs to earn that every moment of every day.
He has to go where he says he's going. Call me when he is going to be late. Be apologetic if late. Explain the delay, and ask for my forgiveness. Preferably bring flowers. And he should NEVER stand me up (ie. you better be dead or have a relative die for you not show up).
He should always be thinking about how to make me happy. He should learn my needs through our conversations, and he should put those needs ahead of his own.
In a fight, he should NOT fly off the handle. He should not say things he can't take back. He should not storm off, rave like a lunatic, or make every fight an excuse to try to end the relationship. He should focus on calming me down, not me have to chase him to calm him down. He should listen to reason just as easily as listening to my feelings about things (even things he's done wrong).
He should not want/need a "night out with the boys", but rather want to involve me in whatever activities I want to be involved in. He shouldn't want to "get away" from me. He should want to participate in my activities as well.
If we talk about a matter we disagree on, he should not try to overpower me to win the argument but rather use gentle, humble reasoning to win me over. Aggression in a man is not attractive at home. A little sexual aggression is acceptable, however, but he has to learn when and how much.
He should wish to hug me tightly in bed at night, and not prefer to have been alone. He should want to share all of himself with me, all his thoughts, his hopes and dreams, his needs and desires, his fears, his ambitions, everything.... AND he should listen to the same from me as well.... whenever I need to share it.
He should let me in to see him as he really is, and not the facade he portrays to the rest of the world. He should want that we be one in every way that is conceivably possible for two humans, and not strive to keep his autonomy. He should accept my leadership the way I naturally lead, and not how he's been fantasizing it should occur.
He should accept his place as my first mate (sailing lingo). He should take primary role in the kitchen as sous chef. He should be prepare to do at least half of the household chores, and preferably the ones I find most distasteful. He should fetch me things when I need them. He should be the one to shut out the light at night. He should be prepared to wear some symbol beyond a wedding band that shows my ownership. He should put me and the health of the couple first, in his thoughts, his actions, his ambitions.
He should not be selfish. He should be honorable. He should believe in helping those less fortunate. He should donate, volunteer, or both. He should believe that honesty is the best policy (but be wise enough to know when to temper honesty with tact). He should love his mother, have a good role model in his father, or at least strive to make up for either. He should be agnostic, or at least be able to defend a position of faith with something other than circular logic. He should honor his culture but value universal human rights. He should give up his seat on the bus for the elderly. He should strive to know more and to be more than he is. He should read. He should be okay with sharing the big spoon/little spoon positions.
