Who is Controlling Whom?

I've met more than my share of men that want to *correct* my leadership to suit them... um, excuse me... when you put the power in my hands you don't get to take it back because I didn't do with it what you would.  That's not how this works.  You have to trust that once I am in the driver's seat that you will get there safely.  No amount of backseat driving puts the gas pedal and steering wheel in your hands at that point.  Got it?

The ex was constantly trying to control me and my dominance.  Apparently, while he was freaking out about the relationship I was supposed to ignore him and work on getting a job.... um, not going to happen.  I can't just ignore the situation, somehow still offer up my body, and let him go about his day.  That's just frickin' nuts.  I'm sorry, it is.

It wasn't until the relationship was no longer a pressure that I can now apply for jobs here... breaking up or being together would have solved that issue but he choose the former.  I suppose it was inevitable given all the pressure I got to conform to his idea of what was right for me and us.  I just can't seem to get over the idea that he felt he had a right to be disappointed over my choices when his idea of what was acceptable behavior is goddamn unnatural.

We kept having all these misfire moments where I could just sense he was struggling with us.  Some were just differences of opinion and others were entirely accidental things that were not anyone's fault... but yet, I was blamed.... at least subconsciously by him.

I am a different person.  I grew up differently.  I've had different relationships.  Certainly, there were going to be adjustments both of us had to make to start a life together.  While I tried to accommodate, he just pulled away each time we didn't see eye to eye on matters.  He just couldn't trust me to know what was right for the two of us.

He reacted to me only with resistance and fear.   If he had given in to me, he would have finally been able to understand all that I was offering him.  He would have been able to fully express the nature he claimed he had.  He would have had a lifetime of love and support, something he is unlikely to find again.

It's not always easy to see whether contradiction is a means to control or just a reasonable objection.  I usually listen because I'm reasonable but what I choose to think about the matter, if I change my expectations or not, and how I react in the future is entirely my choice.  I'm not the one that is supposed to be molding here.

When he told me that he didn't have enough time to get his work done, I adjusted by not expecting him to come home to dinner.  When I told him that need him to hug me and comfort me when I am sad, he threw his arms up in the air, ranted and raved, and asked me to leave.  Gee, thanks.  I can't believe I was this poor a judge of character.